I want to cry
but I can't
because then you'd see
and I don't think
I could bear to see
the pain in your eyes
knowing you're worried
about me

So I pull back
hide away
pull my hood up
say I'm fine
and walk quickly
careful, not too fast
to the bathroom
and quietly
the tears fall

I've learned how
to hide it by now
a bit of cold water
just a bit of time
and you'd never know
I can't let you see
that I can't
hold it together

That I'm falling apart
and it's not your fault
it's not anyone's
not really
I just can't
stop
worrying

But that's my job
isn't it?
to worry
protect
take care of
so why
why does it hurt?
why can't I
stop crying?

I think
maybe
it'll be fine
just laugh
and smile
a bit of concealer
and they won't know
I didn't sleep

Carefully timed
showers and
washing clothes
More ramen cups
in the trash
than anything else
trying to hold it together

Just drink another cup
down more coffee
and get back to it
another assignment
another hug
more comforting words
You can do it
keep it together
just a little longer

Maybe it wouldn't
fall apart
if I did
but I can't
risk that
risk
a funny word
so small
for so much
like me
holding more
then it can

Maybe one day
it'll be fine
the pills
the therapy
maybe it will
finally help
but for now
I just need
a minute
to breathe
a break
please
don't look
too long

Maybe I'm not
real
really
here
real
pain
hurting
is it
okay?
Am I?

Tears falling
heavy like rain
but they can't
I won't let them
see
I'll be fine
just
tired
a bit more
coffee
and I'll be
fine