for the first time the ball is in my ******* court
in my ******* building
my ******* country
my ******* world.

unlike ryan
who held me like a delicate robin's egg
that had been emptied
(whatever way he held me
he managed to crush
something)
unlike him
you hold me like the baby bird that grew up in that shell
promising and astonishing
you marvel at me

and though i truly loved ryan
i don't love you.
because i could do anything
and you'd love me
i don't like that.
i could be the worst version of me
and stay that way
and you would still
stay

i don't
like that.