Before Burger King became a part of our lives that made death a pleasant way out, there was a woman whose hatred for Burger King scared everyone around her: her husband and 4 children. "Mommy, why do you hate Burger King so much?" Little Darla asked innocently. "Well, it all started when I was dying from a rabid raccoon bite. I was a farm girl back then with big dreams that no man could understand, not even Richard Nixon. Anyway, I met your father one day while I was at Burger King eating a burger or something and like a zebra in a monkey house I stroked out and the next thing I knew I was in a hospital hurling chunks across the room. Incoming nurses were sliding and falling, their big ******* flying out of tight brassieres and everything. I couldn't stand it any longer and then God appeared with His long beard and everything. I was shocked because the hospital's wiring was shoddy, and I was soaking wet and scared and unable to enjoy a normal bowel movement that wasn't 87% diarrhea and 13% hatred. God said that help was on the way and sure enough Jesus appeared beside Him with His long beard and everything and He told me to worship the pope a lot and become a Catholic or else, well I don't take well to threats so I ordered Them to leave and They said I'd be sorry for that and I said I don't care and then the pope died and I knew it was my fault."