When we sat in the garden
Under a canopy of wisteria
Surrounded by colour, and by life
We did not realise that as we drank our coffee
We were sipping time from a chipped cup

Each mouthful another week less
To spend with you
Talking and debating about everything
Under the sun, falling out and making up
ALWAYS making up

Each bittersweet gulp another month
Nearer the vultures
The pain of watching them eat away at you
Whilst you had to be fed by tubes
Whist I measured my days, my weeks, in hospital visits

The stench of pity all around me
As useless to me as faith
And worse, the toxic fake false positivity
Telling me everything would be okay
When you were ******* dying
I want to tear their words into pieces
Shred them to nothing because that’s all it means
NOTHING

Eventually, our cup of time ran out
Please know that I never wanted to leave you that day
Please know that I would fight lions off with my bare hands
To say one last goodbye

You are gone, and I am left
Traumatised by seeing the true horrors of cancer
But holding on to the fact that the last thing we said
To each other was “I LOVE YOU”
And I am loving you always
But always longing for

One last hug
I’d give up a thousand tomorrows
For one more hug
Nuzzled into your neck
The smell of your hair
The feel of your shirt
The beat of your heart
The steady rhythm of your breath
Soothing my fear

How can someone so alive
Suddenly disappear?