After chugging back a complete six-pack with my clap-ridden hoes, I took the path of righteousness that Jesus had, in Bible times, chose. I pulled my fake nose off and ate a swollen can of meat, pulled over a cop whom I intended to beat with a baseball bat till he fell off his feet and then I prayed hard, harder than a monkey with Parkinson's disease or cerebral palsy till I could barely distinguish orange from tan leaves.