The death date I assigned to myself when I was
what, 10 years old?
I told myself I would die one way or another.

Most likely by my own hands.

Because I had no purpose here.
Because I was too weak for this world.
Because the pain and weight were too much.
Because nobody seemed to care all that much.
Because those who had only cared for the false parts of me.
Because those who truly had didn't want to live either.
Because I was tainted by those who were thought to have cared.
Because it was the only way to be truly free.

I would play pretend to be adults with my "boyfriend".
Would play dance with knives and needles on my arm.
Would make candy out of painkillers.
Would imagine myself to be Icarus when meeting with high ledges, flying then
                                falling.
Would dream about that date,
01/04/2026.
My 16th birthday.

No 10 year old should be doing that,
I don't think.