Dec 2024
I don't know how it will be
I fear it will be hard for me
I know it's anxiety filling to act socially
Thinking of topics for conversation
For small talk is exhausting
What to do?
How to act?
How open to be?
I fear that those nights
Will be ones without sleep
I want an idea
Of the way things will work
I find it hard to picture
Its been months
And I know I was so vulnerable
When she last saw me
The places we were
Brought back such terrible, terrible, memories
I want to be lighter
And more fun to be around
This time I plan to eat
And maybe hide my hands a bit more
But it's hard
When you have to play trumpet with them
And she's observant
I'm not used to that either
I fear it will be hard for me
I know it's anxiety filling to act socially
Thinking of topics for conversation
For small talk is exhausting
What to do?
How to act?
How open to be?
I fear that those nights
Will be ones without sleep
I want an idea
Of the way things will work
I find it hard to picture
Its been months
And I know I was so vulnerable
When she last saw me
The places we were
Brought back such terrible, terrible, memories
I want to be lighter
And more fun to be around
This time I plan to eat
And maybe hide my hands a bit more
But it's hard
When you have to play trumpet with them
And she's observant
I'm not used to that either
This is about a band camp starting tomorrow with total of three people (my mom is running it). I know the pianist super well, so I'm not worried about her, but the bassist I know less. She's super nice-but last time I came to visit her she noticed I was really anxious and it made things heavier. It wasn't her fault the though. The places we were going were filled with some traumatic stuff with my dad and it just overcame me. I also felt too sick to eat and was picking my skin the whole time. :/
I hope things will be better this time around and that I'll be more fun. She's great though.
(This kite was written by a ferret living in a seed of a dandelion. Her favorite color is space and her favorite food is hunger.)
I hope things will be better this time around and that I'll be more fun. She's great though.
(This kite was written by a ferret living in a seed of a dandelion. Her favorite color is space and her favorite food is hunger.)
