It begins again. Like clockwork, the same time of year, the same ache that burdened me and ******* me over; that hollow hole deep within and slightly to the left. Welcome back, my old friend.

I thought you left me long ago, finally bidding adieu for good like I always wanted. I told you not to come back. I suppose "go to hell" was too subtle, and you took your little three month vacation, left me feeling like I was finally free from your chains.

But I guess those little metal links can only extend so far before the rigs begin to reel in the opposite direction, pulling you back into the makeshift home you've made in my heart.

I'd evict you if I could.

And I tried to, I did. I thought I did. You had me fooled. Who was I to think that you'd leave willingly?

Maybe I should have taken note of the grin that played upon your lips as you walked out the door. If I did, maybe I wouldn't have been so thrown by your return.

I was stupid to believe that you'd actually leave me alone.

We've been so close, you and I. The last thirteen years would be nothing without you, my friend. Think about it, will you? The time we've spent together, I mean. All of those nights cowering beneath thick sheets, cloaked in darkness. You laid with me while I quivered, covered my mouth when I cried so no one would hear. You held my hair when all I wanted was to rip it out.

But you were never a friend. Not a real one, and you've made that clear. So why'd you come back? I was doing just fine on my own. I smiled, for real this time, just two weeks ago. I cried out of sheer joy because of that realization.

Maybe I jinxed myself. I should have known it was too good to be true.

Smiles never suited me, anyway.