THE ADVANTAGES OF RUNNING YOUR MOTHER ON DIESEL FUEL - Lots of women run on household electric current which is okay until there's a power outage. My mother runs on diesel fuel because diesel engines are low-maintenance as any truck driver will tell you. When I suggested to mom that I'm considering converting her from alternating current to diesel she was frightened, shocked, appalled, nervous and deranged so I drugged her with peyote. When she woke up 19 hours later, she was mellow and relaxed because by then I had already outfitted her in bowling shoes and a crash helmet. Now she's happier than a ***** in a wine cellar.