Explain to me how it is infatuation
If so many weeks later
A photo of you can make tears sting my eyes.
Tears of...
I'm not even sure.
Longing, perhaps.
Maybe tears for missing you.
Maybe...
Tears of love, they feel like.
Your look just grabs my heart.
It's not your features that I love so much, either.
I wondered. I looked long and hard,
To see if my passion was textbook and trite.
But it is the soul behind your lightning strike eyes,
The set of your mouth,
The way your eyebrows are always a little raised, like an invitation, to come and laugh along.
The way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smile,
And how you are unafraid to let joy mold your face.
Perhaps I wish I was like everybody else.
Perhaps I wish I could find the root of my love,
A neat little equation of hormones and chemicals,
Tied with a little red bow, waiting to be explained away and taken out like yesterday's trash.
Perhaps I wish that.
But either way, I have it not.
It shocked me, tonight.
Hit me like I was a lightning rod in a wicked storm.
I knew there was a reason I avoided looking at you,
But in a moment of weakness I forgot what it was.
By the third photo, tears threatened and I had to stop.
What is it about you?
Maybe it is that seeing you is too much like having you here-
Your eyes reach through the screen and touch,
The way they touch in person.
You are electric, darling. I hope you know it.
You hypnotize.
I try to explain my heart away,
Because do I even know you?
But how much need I even know?
I'm not like other people. Things don't bother me, little things, things don't break deals.
Your favorite coffee or the fact that perhaps you see politics differently, or maybe you don't like cats,
Those things are only things. And to know them would make me closer to you, yes,
But would have no effect on how I feel about you.
It happened.
It happened like a sudden bolt, clean through me,
And I have the entry and exit wounds to prove it,
On my palms and the soles of my feet.
Nobody else can see them, but they have not scarred yet, they are still sizzling.
I am different and there is no way to change that.
And all I want to do is see your face in person,
Hear your voice.
I wish I knew it so well that I could hear it in my head.
I envy those who do. I hope they appreciate it.
Sometimes I see you in my dreams.
Sometimes I see you when I'm awake, and it's never you.
I am afraid I will never touch you again,
And I am cold all the time, underneath, in the place you carved out of my heart.
You seared me awake,
And I had forgotten heat, I had forgotten gravity,
And sometimes I think that without seeing you I am slowly freezing solid.
Hard as rock,
The way the sand is when it is struck and melts together into glass,
A parody of ice,
Aching without its borrowed hum of life.
I try to quiet my heart, and it begs me to paint the sky with your name.
It cries,
"I will be your lightning rod, I will take the heat, no matter what it is.
Love me, hate me, burden me with secrets or with lies,
It matters not.
If I can only see you I will breathe once more, and it will be the sweetest moment of my life all over again."
That is how I feel when I see your face.
That is why the tears.
Lightning fast, you came and went, and
I really don't think you know
The destruction and the beauty you left behind in me.