We each contain components which we would rather reject. One of mine feels the deep desire to know the approval of strangers. I do not like this, but it is the truth.

Rather than removing and rejecting the urge, I am choosing to embrace and integrate it, with the hope that it may someday grow into a healthier version of itself. With the help and kindness of friends, I believe this is an attainable goal.

I seek external validation too earnestly because I was taught, incorrectly, that only fools are pleased with themselves. If it does not come from another, if it is only true to you; how can it be agreed upon as 'real'? This idea put me in a position that made it advantageous to try and understand the wants and needs of other people. Which is not, itself, an innoble goal, of course. The major issue that I have with it is that I've widely done so in order to help myself, rather than aiming for the obviously more thoughtful alternative.

Someday my Validation Machine will be addressed by another name, as her function will swing toward kinder things. I look forward to this day. But until then, a plugged-in and needy being, I must, for now, remain.