You alright Bert?

Yea, not too bad,
how's it hanging, Max?

Well I had a rough night,
what with my owners at it like rabbits 'til morning
and the cat ******* in my basket

****,
what a ******

innit,
it's OK though
cos I dropped a **** in her litter tray
'try covering that log up you filthy *****'

nice one,
'ere I had a massive dump myself earlier,
the old girl I live with was well annoyed with me,
of course, I looked at her all remorseful like
and did the head tilt thing

did she fall for it, Bert?

Yea,
***** cow,
she even gave me a treat,
humans eh?
Gullible *****

you got that right Bert