she doesn't seem to notice,
but I'm so vague now I'm a pale mist,
I see the world and all on it in shades of grey,
my thoughts shine empty as odd darkness persists,
my smiles masks it enough,
I'm a clown crying alone,
life's destroying me brick by brick,
and like a fool to it's song I sing along,

there are things I could change if I wanted to,
but the cost would be far too high to pay,
as to family you give more than heart and money,
and I suppose it's right and just to be this way,
but as the grey gets darker and ever darker,
I wonder how much more I can take,
before the rope and the tree and the bottle call,
as well as the 20 a day,