it was that night.
it ****** me over for months.
a spur of the moment decision found us on top of a mountain.
no one to find us.
no one to disturb us.
it was me and her.
alone.
the gentle touch of her hand
so soft.
so supple.
it felt right.
for me at least.
there wasn’t a forcefulness.
we connected.
just like that.
i felt at peace with her.
even in the silence,
i was present with her.
i wanted to be in the same space as her.
i wanted to know her.
to hold her hand.
to mean something to her.
i wanted to hug her and never let go.
because she makes me feel like everything will be okay.

but that was before.
i’m not exactly sure why i told her.
i just complicate things when i open my mouth.
of course she doesn’t feel the same way.
why would she?
who would?

sadly having attachment issues,
those feelings didn’t go away.
i still want to hold her hand.
to mean something to her.
to know her.
kiss her.
she makes my problems go away.
just her existence is enough to make me smile.
so as she’s living her life,
handling her feelings to someone else,
i’m left scattered like broken glass.
faking a smile when i see her,
avoiding my feelings when i talk to her.
because i cannot be scattered even more.