i try to feel safer about my whereabouts
whenever i'm alone
ever since the security guard at the club
stopped me and asked me not once,
not twice, but four or five times
if i was carrying mace on me
and was astonished every time i
repeated the phrase “no!”
anxiously while he was checking my bag
upon entry.

because it's heavily implied that women can't exist
without some choice of weapon
against the type of men who want to ask
why we're not already defending ourselves
against them when they've established
their weird *** interest while conducting
a security check. i guess.

i think if i did in fact
have mace on me,
his face would have been the first
i'd  have maced.

so like, what flavor mace should i get, guys?