THE WAR FOR NIGERIA'S INDEPENDENCE - Abe Lincoln said (paraphrased from gossip I heard from a Nigerian schizophrenic with asthma): I am happy to be in ****** City to speak about the ***** War. Our people have suffered from short penises since Washington was a school boy: eating cherry trees; chopping down Lizzy Borden's mother with a hatchet. But I'm not going to bore you with that, instead I will drone on and on about slavery and **** chicks of mixed parentage, chicks with long nails and short-cropped *****, women with soft, brown ******* that bead oil and make life fun & pleasurable. Yes, my fellow men's room attendants, we must never give up nor surrender, nor eat cookies with dog turds on them.