i beat this addiction already
found myself on the sand
house of mirrors and whispers
you sent me into relapse
i sat there on my hands and knees ******, drip, drop, drip drop
pleading
what is this hell
was it for a reason
begging for an explanation
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
you ripped the rug from under my feet
sent me down to rot into wonderland
it looks beautiful from the outside
the forty pounds lost are mostly hidden
i paint my hollow face to make it seem more lively
most days i wish i could add a smile to my mouth so it didn’t hurt from all the fake ones i plastered on
i can wear many masks now that im learning how to play
a game i never even tried to be a part of
wonderland isn’t like it used to be
losing weight was a fun addiction
ana helped me when no one else knew what to do
and then she spiraled when i wouldn’t die for her
and now she slips me little cups of tea
and i just drink
i no longer care what else she decides to do to me
it can’t get worse than what’s already happened is what they’ve told me
but down here, i’ve found that to be very untrue
it can always get worse
but it can also feel good sometimes