Ive built a wall around my heart. Dont mistaken the guard I have up for strength. The confidence to leave yourself exposed and vulnerable is true strength, and what I have grown to become is quite the opposite, shut off and distant. From all the pain Ive witnessed, Ive created a maze to confuse and throw off anyone with intentions of getting to the core of my emotions. Ive let others in too easily in the past, and am not sure if Ive grown weaker or stronger as a result. All I know is Ive become a challange that not many can or are willing to conquer. Maybe Im pushing people away, maybe Im filtering out those who are undeserving, Im not sure. All I know is Ive become intentionally difficult. Maybe its fear of being hurt again, maybe Im wise enough to spot a threat to my mental well being before they breach my thoughts and feelings. Am I strong or am I weak? Again, Im not sure, but all I know is that Im still that child of old, filled with fear and skepticism, through being exposed to great depths of turmoil. These experiences have caused me to take up defenses and bear an armor, for Ive found that most of my distress has been caused by the most trusted, and seemingly sincere. All of this has left me in a state of disarray as I second guess, and over think. Maybe Im the problem, and one day my lack of trust could become over bearing, and push away the one Im meant to be with. My true phobia is that my own fear will imprison me, and Ill be responsible for my own solitude. I would then be the one self harming, by refusing the chance at real love. Ive become my own worst enemy, blind to my own self sabotaging ways, while actively redefining it as precaution, in order to remain in a comfort zone built with overwhelming denial.