the drop of a hand
the spoiling of plans
trying to understand
how unfounded i am
how reckless i became
the risks barely scaped
how i find myself in shame
how i'm the one to blame
for the loss incurred
i swallowed your burs
and weathered your worst
even drew blessings from a dying curse

but now it's my turn
my lips have been pursed
and it's a poor choice of words
but i've had it worse
not to compete in the slightest
or to complain or rescind kindness
but in recovery from my blindness
and a surfeit of your highness
i call forward to motion
my efforts and devotion
the letdown of vows found broken
the swelling and tender underbelly of emotion

that which you carved with relish and concentration
channeling something much deeper and primal than hatred
an appetite darker yet related or fairly adjacent
drawing up the last of my fading patience
flicking the needle but being careful not to waste it
and i smiled in wan vacantly complacent
unaware of the future rapidly reshaping
nothing i could do but plant myself to brace it
coming face to face with my very own replacement
coming to terms with such a draining arrangement
that ****** up my mental but you don't want to claim it
i still grieve for you but i don't want say it

with the blink of an eye
you made a different life
didnt even try to fight
barely even said goodbye

that hurts me more than i wish it did
but i guess i gotta live with it
bury my stake in the high road and draft my penance
what crossed your mind when you called it good riddance
i'm so confused then abused by your ruthless decisions
you cared about me until you just didn't
recanted before i crashed out but wouldn't admit it
you waited until you found something to pin it
on me so you could move on without feeling like a villain
the last of your efforts just costumed resentment
taking an early check out on a solemn commitment

i prayed everyday not knowing
my hopes were sisyphean
i broke my jaw and choked on my tongue
and suffocated when i grew tired of screaming

might have bowed out so regretless
to maintain a clear conscience never to consider
carrying yourself with such faithlessness
won't leave you feeling very chipper
and one day if it wasn't worth it
and you see my name hiding in your coffee mug bitters
the universe would be playing a cruel joke on you
it's quite uncouth to become a belated gravedigger