Slow Sadness, hello again.
Sometimes I miss you
When I overtake lucidity
On my ascension to indulgence.
Sometimes when my thoughts
Vacate my body
And spin around me like a mobile in the wind,
I crave your stillness,
Be it in aching obscurity.
So your meanderings have caught up with mine
And I will lie down in surrender to your encumbrance.
Contentedly, I find amusement in the sound
Of my bones snapping like toothpicks,
Breaking like dry twigs under your pressure,
Allowing paralysis to saturate me.
Motionless, I feel the pain
While rejoicing in the reprieve from
My manic pursuit of pleasure.
Now, the exigency of ecstasy
Cannot possess me like a puppet
And send me in search of titillating trouble.
And each time you find me
Reeling about in madness,
I see the lasso being thrown
And I wait in repose
To be snared by your rope.
I will follow you back
To wherever it is you call home
And acquiesce to your suppression
With satisfaction in my eyes.
For each time we meet,
I pray it is our last congress.
Every time you come to me
I throw down my defenses
And angle my head under your shadow
Hoping that the impact will be swift.
I lean into the assault,
Spun out like a top
Ready for the spinning to stop.
I beg you, be heavy
And fall with precision
So that this oscillation may end.
I do not have the stomach
To stand another turn
Around the wheel of my own whim.
My eyes get more crossed
And my hair more tangled
Each time around
This cycle of survival.
So, Sadness, welcome.
Stop playing with your dinner
And kill me like you mean it.
I will aid in the slaying
As much as I am able.
I will prime myself for sacrifice
Like a fawn in a frenzy
And point you to the soft spots
So you can do the digging.