I fell in love with the pain.
The memories replay in my head over and over.
It feels so nice when I want to replay it.
Remembering all the little details.
Wishing I could do it now but no one understands.
I fell in love with the blade.
Wanting more of the pain to happen even with a smile on my face.
Hoping no one would notice when my long sleeves come back.
Now I’m two months clean still thinking of last time.
Hoping the memory will be enough this time.
Not wanting to start over but not willing to fight it.