I can't stop fidgeting.

My stomach is going through a repetitive cycle of being turned inside out.

The voices of bratty adolescents are muffled through the floor.

In front of me are three self portraits.
None of which are happy.
What are you doing.

It's not time to go out yet.
I don't think i'll shower, either,
because there's no real reason.
I wont be seeing you tonight.

My nine year old sister and her friend are cackling in the room over.
Your smile comes to mind.

All these medications are driving me insane,
but in a way i've come to love it.
Being able to talk about things,
even though I really don't want to.

Why do so many people say live every day like it's your last,
yet judge the ones that do.

I feel like I'm sinking in a ocean of growing up,
and doing work.
With only a slice of playfulness out of the corner of my eye.  

what on earth is going on outside my door.

I've chosen to stay in
because today,
I like the company of my thoughts.
Even if they're not pleasant.

Right now
me:
girl
at desk
can't stay still
ankles crossed
light blue jeans
on the edge of her chair
gray shirt
long blonde wavy hair
glasses
energetic fingers
makeup run down her face.

Being in love with you has slowly killed me over the years,
but I still don't mind it.

I only wish that I could be for you
what you are to me.