i harbored the monster inside of me fed it juice and the best parts of me. now honestly, i just wish he would go away.
everything we ever did is now collapsing in front of my feet barefoot and dragging over glass shards, fire sparks, and your skull. i feed the monster my insecurities and it lays them in its teeth. takes you from my liquid hands leaving me empty handed every time.
everything you are is everything i am not ….will never be radically selfish, i am, causing you pain. the monster screams and screeches and i have to give in every time.
my teeth are glass and they puncture your perfect skin. the monster laughs at my attempts he tells me you don’t want me here, don’t love me. he feeds me lies; i believe them and i am ashamed for i let him get away with it every time.
i am ashamed that i have let you burn every single time.
everything you ever did for me is wasted and washed away. i want to forgive myself, but he will not let me. he will not let me be free.
i’m so extensively sorry. high school is over. basically. thank you for all the moments this senior year. i continually push people away and i am so ashamed. i’m so sorry. i really am. high school was terrible, but you made it tolerable.