there's something i can't reconcile
a fear hastily dismissed
i'm afraid of being the person i am
of a mistake that can't be fixed

perpetually sorry
awfully hardly
barely starting
to make up for all that i've done wrong

what is my burden
the punishment deserved and
the consequences i'm certain
will never amount to enough to feel okay to move on

while i'm sure i'm being dire
the awareness sheds no grief
castigated by my own thoughts
i couldn't walk away even if i was free

the things i didnt do
laid their claim on me
and the ones i did anyway
despite understanding
dig into me constantly
consciously
and when i feign peace
unconsciously