as I sit here in class, everyone in their little clusters talking about how cute the new boy is,
or how much they hate that one teacher,
or how much they don't want to do that awful homework,
everyone so absorbed in their "conversations" that they do not realize how you aren't the one of the loud speakers, so absorbed that no one realizes that your just sitting there,
not jumping up to join someone,
or jumping up to begin an aggressive debate over something unimportant,
so absorbed that they do not realize how this moment will never exist again,
so absorbed they don't notice that you went from center stage to  right in the background,
so absorbed that I realize that they don't realize that the things they are talking about aren't important,
that they won't matter in a few weeks,
that some people do this everyday,
just watch the others humiliate themselves through petty gossip,
just watching everyone engage in heated conversations,
but then again,
these petty talks may be what you need,
,maybe this is what it's suppose to be like you knowing it doesn't matter but, talking about it anyways,
no this could not be it,
but what then?
why did I realize today,
feel for the first time
what it's like to sit by yourself by your choice,
avoid groups of people because you simply don't care what their priorities are,
is this what it's like to be "mature"?
to realize that what is important today won't make a difference tomorrow?
because the thing Is,
what scares me the most,
is that some people wish to not sit by themselves,
they wish to  be in that petty conversation, lead it,
but you see being outside of that meaningless cycle,
has showed me what it's like to just be again
to just sit their knowing that tomorrow, you will sit here agin,
and the day after that,
and so on,
to know that your conversations will change someone,
will make someone laugh for the first time in a while,
will brighten someone's day,
because these are the things that I miss.
the things i wish i had learned,
in school,
to genially make something matter,
but maybe that's the point,
to be given the tools to make a change but o be GREAT enough to initiate the change by yourself.