i know that i am hurting you
by staying away,
but mommy hurts me, too.
she cannot tell me that she doesn't give a **** for me
and then send me texts
telling me
she is missing me
praying for me
loving me
half an hour away
this time i'm the one that doesn't give a ****,
mom.

oh, little brother.
oh, little sister.
i know i am hurting you
i know that i can count the times i have visited you this year
on one hand
i know you miss me
please know
that i am sorry
i will try harder
i am not helping anything
by hiding

mother will see me
but i will not see her
she's the dragon in my dreams
as a child
encompassing everything i love in her scaled hands
and long teeth
holding them
away from me
i will get what i love back
that is a promise
even if i have to
****
things
like
me