I’m scared And I hate to say that about myself Because I have lived in a sense of false security for so long Reliant on others because I can’t be reliant on myself And I’ve developed this system of ignore, persist, and repeat And I think its slowly draining me
There are moments when I can forget that my life is the way that it is Self-medicating to prevent the anxiety from creeping up into my throat Turning off the big light to blind myself from all the ugly pieces of me that I am ashamed of seeing It is my instinct to believe that something is wrong with me
And I’ve never been good at being alone Though I crave it all the same When I am alone I can breathe in the darkness Veiled by the idea that running away will one day have to stop
But I still find my legs striving towards to finish line Try as I might take my time to get there The idea of just completing the race urging myself forward A success where I have never had any before
I am trying And I am healing And I know that it is not linear I know I have many more obstacles ahead of me But I think the want may finally outweigh the hatred and shame