Mar 16
I'm shaking again
The words in my head follow down through my skin
My head starts to spin
I'm haunted by things I don't want to let in
I hate to remember
I hate thinking back on what burns me like embers
I can't even speak
I can't make my lips tell others why I'm weak
The words won't come out
Trapped beneath skin where they echo and shout
The tears broke me through
They run hot and steady, leave shame in their lieu
My breathing is heavy
Thinking of past things makes my heart unsteady
I'm going to die
And I'll pass on while still not knowing why
They're just words to say
But more- they course through me insistent to stay
Someone hold me
But don't touch me please, I'm afraid you will see
Please squeeze me tightly
Remind me that nightmares are not only nightly
But stay far away
Don't take a step closer or I'll break again
I'm torn between thoughts
Remem'bring what happened and what did not
So help me, I'm screaming
Somebody tell me that I'm only dreaming
And please take my life
I already live on the edge of a knife
And when I am gone
Perhaps after death I can fin'lly move on.
The words in my head follow down through my skin
My head starts to spin
I'm haunted by things I don't want to let in
I hate to remember
I hate thinking back on what burns me like embers
I can't even speak
I can't make my lips tell others why I'm weak
The words won't come out
Trapped beneath skin where they echo and shout
The tears broke me through
They run hot and steady, leave shame in their lieu
My breathing is heavy
Thinking of past things makes my heart unsteady
I'm going to die
And I'll pass on while still not knowing why
They're just words to say
But more- they course through me insistent to stay
Someone hold me
But don't touch me please, I'm afraid you will see
Please squeeze me tightly
Remind me that nightmares are not only nightly
But stay far away
Don't take a step closer or I'll break again
I'm torn between thoughts
Remem'bring what happened and what did not
So help me, I'm screaming
Somebody tell me that I'm only dreaming
And please take my life
I already live on the edge of a knife
And when I am gone
Perhaps after death I can fin'lly move on.
My hands shake, so does my heart. I can see in my head pictures of what happened like I watched it happen to myself. Everything goes foggy and muffled, there is nothing but me and the frightful memories. I hate that so many things remind me of what happened. I hate that I can't even say the name of what happened. Tears come, burning in my eyes along with the pain and shame. I start to hyperventilate, then wonder if I'm going to die from feeling all of this, wonder if maybe that wouldn't be so bad. I want to be held, but I don't want anyone to touch me. The thought of someone's hands on my skin makes me nauseous. I know what could have happened, but I also know what SHOULD have happened, and more than that I know what DID happen. And oh my soul, why can't I think of it or speak of it without trembling? For anyone who is reading this, does that ever go away? I want to shed the chains of what happened, I want to claim the words that have such control over me right now, and most of all I want to forget. I want to forget everything. My gosh I want to forget everything that ever happened.
