Fore score minus xv orbitz ago
from being centenarian
strong contractions forced me
to pass thru ******,
buck naked bare lady,
I ranked as only grandson sharing
same surname as Aaron,
(mine paternal grandfather)
me the sole heir –
foreshortened to Sol Aire

evinced scrawniness then (as shown
via ultrasound), which at birth
became crystal clear,
unbeknownst to parents
obsessive hidden compulsive predilection
pronounced with social anxiety affliction
manifested later in life,
whose mental health of mine,
would find me at sea
schooled in counting fish,

where I did flounder with anguish,
nevertheless as newborn human being,
the propensity with panic attacks
a decade plus years in future
whereat yours truly
would wallow in despair
meanwhile bundled cuteness
ranked as excelsior,
though said infant
extremely agitated and fussy,

I possessed unusual fear
witnessed in scrunched
and furrowed brow
slightly resembled
quirky pissant outlier
tipping the scales
courtesy old fashioned
analog needled gear
greater or lesser
than seven pounds

(minus or plus a few ounces)
with a mass of
(the following feature fabricated)
dread fully locked hair,
otherwise a gangly sack
of many lovely bones,
whereat obstetricians
could not help themselves but jeer
thus upon exiting
birth canal found

yours truly anxiously twirling loose
***** follicular fibers according
to medical records prevaricated,
courtesy poetic character sketch,
whose trademark embellishment
endemic beginning to end of poem,
(your job dear reader
to distinguish fact from fiction)
reasonable rhyme now resumes
along current frayed thread

stitching baby me finding
strands of hair wrapped around fingers
surmising in retrospect, I felt bored
without access to world wide web
infant versus aging baby boomer
expressed at early stage individuality,
and nonestablishmentarian stance
sporting knotty harried styled
swiftly tailored quasi/pseudo dreadlocks,
gave Medusa a run for her money

(before they were in vogue)
tough as hemp cord
an anomaly, which
no app could compare,
boot nonetheless highly adored
and valued more than fine spun gold
resembling inimitable
indestructible filaments,
when taut could lift
off the ground a board

dill low, which no reference
manual could address
even topnotch experts
queried, could not explain
outrageous constituent rare
peculiarity the likes
never seen before,
though still insured,
a novel boot nada
so critical freak

of nature ma lord
hirsute component
partitioned in a triple tier moored
substantial pressure upon noggin,
entwining, looping, spilling somehow
interweaving insync with umbilical cord
into a mass of whirled
wide webbed wear suitable for
four seasons, which bamboozled,
grew like Kudzu

into an immense
globular mass galore
'bout the size of Rhode
Island) after one year ****
more, and wove in part
from stem cell threads, nor
ceased proliferating
after birth placenta
accrued intact and
immediately put in cold store

room, a by very peculiar product
tinged with strands
of strawberry blond hair
evoking how lioness would roar
cocooning, contriving, and conveying
this tiny dude into self concocted
hermetically sealed giant spore
miniature mummy, who without doubt
looked like a lady
bug hide entombment

able to survive thermonuclear war
as a minor subsequent repercussion
the downy side understood,
impenetrable forest
filched countless growing years,
without jesting, when
figurative messed hair em scare em
bedlam reigned as a supreme nest
sans shrieking obsessed
invisible hoodlums

broke free their electric kool
aid acid test
from maximum security solitary
confinement investment
for naught busting andirons
weighing down with reinforced
steel trap door cladding
didst not bar
compulsive banshee
like imps of thee pervert,

but merely slow down
minuscule limbs
emulated a hitchhiker thumb
upon will could assume
Alaska Bull Worm sized Albatross
shaped anchorage) unsinkable (short
term) screaming, rebelling, quaking,
atomic sized banshee beastie boys,
et cetera with fiery zest.