what does it mean to be loved.
i’ve been yearning for something that seems unattainable.
being in a new position of vulnerability, it seems as if fear has been ever growing, a new disposition of lust is near me and i am not in control of it’s wrath.
i am not who i was; i realize i am ever lasting.
my heart grows deeper with each person i meet, yet i see why i push them away.
i am disgusted by the actions you call love.
you tell me you care but do you wish to know why i am the way that i am.
there is no depth in our roots, you equate my want for you as a transaction, and the only depth you seek is the one hidden within my jeans.
you do not care for me, your past has left you scarred.
i understand it all, but do no preach to a choir you do not tend to.
your words are meaningless.
i have heard it all in an empty gospel.
under a spell of god yet you cannot find him within your prayers.
what is it that you seek?
you do not seek divinity.
you reap what you sew, and maybe that is why you are alone.
within these walls you find solitude, and that is the answer to your paranoia.
i am not one to be sought after, i will peel back your layers and return you to the mother land, yet you continue to grovel towards the madness and do not repent for your actions.
i am not a god, nor am i a believer, but why do you disprove the testaments of those you worship?
is this your way of life?
is this what you believe is righteous?
do you look in the mirror and see honor, disposition, and contentment?
i do not believe you do.
i see you in the smoky mirror, fogged by past isolation you once perceived was love.
you do not fool me, and i am stronger than your pain.
the ministry does not know of your doubts, but i do.
you are crystal clear when you disappear into the void, and i am standing in front of you with open arms.
when will you get tired of running.