It's said that a dog is "man's best friend."
To me they're a pain in the ****.
Usually, when I see a dog,
I see a mangy mutt.

Yipping, barking, slobbering, howling,
Shedding, pooping, and such,
Dogs are very high maintenance creatures,
Which can be a bit much.

I cringe when they run up to me
And want to spray them with mace
When after licking their rear, they try
To lick me in the face.

And cleaning up after them? My goodness!
It would make me gag
To pick up a giant pile of ****
With my hand in a plastic bag.

They can let the smelliest farts.
Granted, so can we.
But we can leave the room, or at least
Say, "Please pardon me."

And when they get sick, they crap all over
And ***** and make a mess.
It makes me want to throw up as well
And find a rapid egress.

Sometimes they'll ruin household items
By chewing on this or that.
And I will scream the loudest curse
Whenever I step where they shat.

Some dogs are much more tolerable
Than others, I'll admit.
If I pet one, I'm being nice
And not a hypocrite.

Dogs, I know, bring lots of joy
To people's lives. That's fine.
But I expect their pets to behave.
That's the bottom line.

I'm sure I'm in the minority
To feel the way I do.
But everyone has the right to share
His or her point of view.

Dog lovers will probably say
I'm just a grumpy old man.
Perhaps, but when it comes to dogs,
I'm simply not a fan.

-by Bob B (1-26-24)