i wish to remove this piece of clothing and show off my skin unblemished yet scarred i lay in my bed wanting to commit sin the temptation to **** my morals off and become an ******* is so strong that i wish to be bad and feel good when i do something wrong i am tired of being this version of myself- weak, virtuous, wise, vulnerable that in my years of living fairy tales i am making ******' folks and fables guys out there have never really looked at me in me they find nothing good enough to see a grandma wrapped in loose clothes and a tight bun is so **** dull to touch or have a substantial amout of fun i have a gift of pushing people away and putting them off always ******' smiling or crying in corners, i am a laughing stock i can be the hottest and sexiest woman in my head but in reality i am ******' lame to my bones, that said- i can neither become a nerd properly nor live recklessly, this is chaining my soul to a place i don't belong, honestly at this point i don't even know what do i need stuffing my face with bulshit, these pretty little lies do i feed the road i take takes me to places i don't fit in and this happens because i ain't comfortable in my own skin all these years, i wonder where has my confidence been longing for someone to match my wavelength, my flames' twin i have wasted my breaths on things that don't matter in the silence of my suffering i have become immune to chatter so speak i out about my problem and affairs thinking that they who listen honestly do care maybe they do and maybe they don't give two ***** about me aiming for stars or my self-esteem taking hits why can't i be a private person and stay shut? to live, why do i need the pain of a bleeding cut why am i not normal but being normal is not what i want this confusion, dichotomy and paradox is what haunts *"to be or not to be"................................... or be blind and pretend to nerve see