loving you

was like self-mutilation



loving you

was like how a high school girl

first picked up the blade

and prayed for the courage

to drag it across her skin



loving you

was like how a dancer

bent over the toilet

to regurgitate back

what she had eaten

for dinner

in secret



loving you

was like sneaking out of my house

thrilled

hoping not to get caught



loving you

was like discovering the entire universe

not knowing

that there isn’t air

in this vacuum



loving you

was like a old man

gasping for breaths in between

before his death bed



loving you

was like catching a glimpse

of how the world is



loving you

is both

exciting

aphrodisiac

hurting

hopeless