Why do I look up to the sky expecting to see what I do not?
From the kingdom in heaven
As I grow old and rot
I lay sick in bed
A new year has come
Lying under my covers
I’m indifferent; numb
To the bursts of the fireworks
To celebrations and toasts
To kisses under mistletoe
I’ve disengaged, I’m morose

I’m uninspired, undecided
By the options provided
To live or to die
I’m in the middle, divided
To step or to stop
I’m conflicted, misguided
My moral compass is broken
I’m in darkness, under my eyelids

Because when I open my eyes
I don’t like what I’m seeing
Face-to-face with mere mortals
We choose to call human beings
But what does that mean?
To be unheard and unseen?
Following made up dreams
Hoping to be saved or redeemed?

From the pain that we’ve caused
And all the pain felt within
A life filled with heartache
Committing sin after sin
To myself, and to my loved ones
Did I not know or not care?
It’s only one life that we’re given
We’re not provided a spare

So it’s make, or it’s break
Triumph, or despair
We’ve only got so many options
And none seem too fair
You can be bitter, or grateful
Be filled with pride, or compare
Yourself against others
Be mundane or add flair

But is it a conscious decision?
Is it pre designed or prepared?
Is it an unchangeable outcome?
Are we running circles in squares?
Are there solutions to problems?
That I’ve been missing; unaware?
I’m just a walking conundrum
Too afraid to be scared