Here I am, again
Alone
Getting the universal feeling
Of not getting what I deserve
Shocking I know

Of not getting out what I put in
Getting back what I give
Aren't I silly?
Do I deserve?

I try to do everything right
When possible
And of course I fail
So do you I suppose?

Be kind, be supportive, be there
Help out where I can
Listen, give advice,
Try to remember the important stuff
All that's so fleeting to my mind

Check in with you,
"What are you doing today?"
Bring little gifts
Show you how much you matter

Show how much you mean to me
Through my actions and letters
"You've been on my mind"

Offer my shoulder, my ear, my hands, my thoughts

Make myself likeable,
Make myself calm, soft
No threat here, no anger
A safe space

Compromise for others
Often without being asked
Or thanked for
Appreciation is hard to come by

"Please don't forget about me
Please include me
Please don't leave me behind"

Sometimes I get bitter
Sometimes I feel empty and weak
And don't have much to offer
Seclude myself to safety
But I try don't I?

I don't see you doing it much
You apologize
You promised better

Yet you forgot my birthday again
Like last year

It's okay I do it too
No bother
I should have reminded you

Yet you didn't find time to visit me in the hospital
When I had to learn how to walk again
No promises for the future

It's okay,
I hid how bad it was
How could you have known
When I was only gone for half a year

Yet, if I don't write first
Then there is no conversation?

I have to announce to the world
Exactly what is wrong with me,
For you to listen

I have to show up
On your doorstep
In crutches
And wait for you to let me in
For you to see
Are you even there?

You know me,
You know my struggles and my compassion
You know my shadows and that
Often they're stronger than me
And dark thoughts take over

So why do you forget about me
So quickly?
Why don't you send a little love?
A litle goes a long way for me

To know I don't have to do it all alone
Like I used to be
To know there is someone
There for me too

A little warmth in my chest
Against the storm of my mind
A little light against the shadows creeping
A little company for the hohle in my tummy
Of fear and insecurity

But it's okay
I'm used to it right?
Gotta be more patient,
Gotta go on giving,
Go on
Be
Understanding,
Compromise, how to

Cause
My anger isn't justified
Right?