Why am I trying
to fix the trust you broke

I searched
“How to repair
A relationship when trust is broken.”
And all of the websites were from the perspective
of the person who committed the offense,
Not the one who got hurt.
“Apologize profusely, admit what you did, ask for forgiveness, tell them how you’ll change” —

None of this advice was for me.
That’s when I realized that I shouldn’t
Be the one who is looking this up.
This isn’t my offense to pay penance for
No one on the internet told me
It was my job to fix this.
In fact, they all had quite the opposite approach

Then I googled
“How to make a plan to fix a broken relationship”
Same idea, different words
(Because you can’t trust the algorithm, or can you?)
Because I wanted a step-by-step—
A sequential process that I could analyze,
proofread, and formulate perfectly so that everything is pieced back together. and then I’d propose the plan to you and cross my fingers that you agree to it

And yeah, I absolutely should be the one to make the new rules
But as far as fixing what was lost, that has to be on you.
Because you were the one who broke this
You told me blatant lies, often
When I asked if I could trust you.
You make excuses, like
I should be proud that you weren’t worse

I’m not proud
I’m embarrassed
Of you
For myself
For the happiness I thought we were beginning
to bask in

And I’m the one who tries to fix it:
The happiness
Myself
And you
Because I want it back

But I didn’t want it like this.