Maybe it’s all the pills they keep pilling on
                        One more and I’ll feel better…

Maybe its the family genetics finally kicking in that I always thought I out ran…

Maybe it’s my twenties
         Everyone keeps telling me this is how it should feel…
                               Or
Maybe it’s the fact that no amount of trazadone can get me too sleep
No dose of Adderall will keep me awake
Not a gram of Lexapro can make me feel
Happy
And I just keep trying my ******* best but everyday life finds a new way to kick me in teeth.

Maybe it’s my grandma dying,
     Or that I don’t talk to my brother anymore…

Maybe it’s the fact that I sit in this chair once a week saying all these things to a person who is only paid to care and I still tell them everything anyway because if I don’t say it out loud to another person and just keep replying it in my head over and over one day I’ll start to scream and never stop.

         I feel like a ghost in a grocery store
Starring at the shelves of food wondering why I’m even here.
once an old man over the phone at my job told me,
“Caela, you’re a good cat” And sometimes that’s the one statement I feel like I can live for.