I've always had an image of what my idyllic life would be.
In my mind I'm failing myself if I'm not upholding that dream.

It became the most important thing for me, because then I'd be happy and content.

I didn't seek out hobbies for fulfilment and joy. Often leaving something I loved if I thought others were doing better than me.

I would stop seeing friends because this became my priority
All to have companionship, a family.
To sit around the table and share our day.

Being talked down to for years validating the fears you often already faced.
Being asked, "are you sure they're even your friend" or "why do you even like them".
When your anxiety gains a physical voice, and it's from a person you love you stop questioning the anxiety.

Years of often walking on eggshells, addressing things in a certain way to avoid any kind of conflict.
Then the table gets flipped and everything is pulled out from under you.
You have no one to turn to. Your people have been pushed away, the only ones that remain are also "their" people.

Your table looks incredibly small when there's no one to share it with.

Still afraid, unsure and raw. Your forced to find yourself. To better yourself for no one else but yourself.
It's empowering to be truly alone, and feel content with that.
To actually listen to your heart and find what makes it sing.
To not fill your life with clutter but those that truly matter.
I don't feel stronger, just more content and steady on my feet.