It’s been a long time since I’ve cared to divulge the thoughts inside my head
Wether it was to mourn or smile
So I’m not sure if the goal is to reach you in bed
Or to write anything worthwhile.
We used our words and we used our ignorance to reach each other wherever we were
Knowing we’d see it but knowing it’d change nothing- for better or worse.
And now maybe this is my curse.

The sad reality is I have what I love
And I have all I ever wanted but I’m alone with it all.
So in the dark some nights I close my eyes and you’re there.
But you aren’t there.
And some nights I think of writing and hoping for your reaction, but you aren’t there.

The truth is you aren’t here you aren’t there, but you’re somewhere. And you’re happy.
Like you deserve to me.
I picture your smile and the warmth of your palms
I’m grateful it’s no longer drugs that keep me calm.
Because those warm palms kept me close
and I’m the one who let go.
The smile made me weak
so I closed my eyes because weak couldn’t be me.
The truth is you were there… right there and offered me everything because you offered me you.
I walked away and broke your heart because even then I knew I wasn’t enough for you.
I was always a ghost that loved you.
I could never feel you there, and you couldn’t feel me.
I was a phantom who hoped my empty words and mediocre poetry would keep you with me.
I was never enough for you Ms. Pretty.
I was just selfish.