CHOCOLATE AND REMEMBRANCE

I killed men
because I wanted to

come back to you
so that I could be

your husband
still..

My enemy too
had someone who

he wanted to
come back to.

I took his life
so that I could go on

with mine.

I had survived
the War

because I wanted to
and because of luck.

Good luck or bad luck
it's hard to tell now.

I see my wife
and see not her

but a woman strewn
like so much *******

in a French village
we slogged through.

She was naked
and had no eyes

where her smile
should be

nothing but
an empty hole.

I go to hold
my little girl

can only see
a girl of three

still burning still
her doll untouched.

An old man
not a man

just a piece of man
a head...a trouser leg.

I killed so that
I could still be me.

But I'm not.

I can never be
me again.

There is an audible line
drawn in the sky

between me
and the me-I-used-to-be.

The war rages on
inside me

and all the dead
come up to me

begging for chocolate
and remembrance

chocolate
and vengeance.