my body anti-matters,

a plane of forgotten space parted

at my hips, my jaw dragging behind me

like the trail of tears climbing my sunlight.




fallen into disrepair,

begging God to **** the belief

that I can go on like this  




my body weighs in,

"Would you drown for salvation?"




One day, I looked into the mirror, glassy-eyed

Turned my back on my body,  

who can't pick his battles,  

"You are chapped lips. You are yellow yelling teeth. One day, you're going to wake up,

choking on unexplored territory."




I went to sleep, screaming all the way down.

Where was "I"?
















At the very bottom of my throat

was a boy who wasn't me, but what I did.

knuckles-deep in my throat, while yelling  

"5 TIMES, 13 TIMES, 22 TIMES WITH NO END IN SIGHT"

he couldn't breathe in the still air,

but he's still waiting for a response.




If only he'd come out when I was there.

instead, he can't smile like he did before.




"He should've drowned in absurdity, shoveling painkillers down his maw with  

a glass-half-empty of bile to wash away the tears."




from below, we are both screaming.

This time, my carcass and I agree,  

One day I'll be consumed, but I'll savor it.




Dear God, up in heaven,

give me your blessing to eat this boy,

so that he doesn't die a prisoner,




but is consumed all the same.