Can I please read my own mind
Why is it I feel nothing?
A colossal milestone ahead of me
It's only a matter of time
I have dreamt about this day for years
I strongly feel like I am where I have always been
I deluded myself into thinking that after this triumph everything would fall into place
And yet here I am, the castle I built in the air fell  down on top of me and crushed me
The cruelty of the mind and it's illusion of choice
Everything is out of my hands now

The pursuance of my dreams diminished what I already had.. Who I was
Everything I do is never good enough for me, gnawing hunger to succeed and be what I should be eating me up inside
Constant state of unrest
I cannot turn back, I'm gone

How did this hollowness find me and why do I cherish it on most days.