Believe you me I’m privy to their secrets
With Big Brother always watching over me
And what I know you know that I can't keep it
Remember this in case tomorrow I'm history

U.F.O.' s are flying past my building
I see them wink, little men of green
It's time to foil up all my windows
Keep the gamma rays from infiltrating

And of the mailman I'm more than a bit leary
Letters and bills are not the only thing in the post
A very good reason for most of the junk mail
Is in the hiding of tiny microphones

When I head to the grocery, people sure are friendly
Asking how I am, checking up on me
I’m pretty sure they’re all Russian agents
With that English accent down to a tee

When l'm home alone doing daily dishes
I hear strange voices gurgling from the sink
I'm always very quick to close the refrigerator
The other day I caught the honey ham glazing back at me

And all this because I know the truth
How do I know, my source's tell me so
If I told a few to you, you would be paranoid too
Let’s just say it’s best that you don’t know