Some days I let the pain win.
Sometimes I have no choice.
The memories creep up on me
like a predator crawls upon its prey.
I am the prey.

This week I had to let them in.
I had to remember that little hurt girl.
She was hurt in the most horrible of ways.
But she was not destroyed,
she did not vanish,
she is still inside of me,
she pumps the blood through my veins.
Her strength and power force me to continue this life.

She was stripped of her innocence,
her trust, her faith, her mind, and her spirit.
Every part of her was tainted by
his lies, his words, and his body that forced its self upon her.
Making her do things that aren't meant for daddies and little girls to do.
“This is how daddies show their love” he says…
so I lay and I allow.

I allow him to disgrace my body
with the same manhood I was made from.
I did not know this was wrong then
because it has always happened.
It was just…life.
Daddy came to play with me, had his way and then left.
Always leaving me presents.
He stole the most from me at five,
this the day he decided touching wasn't enough.
The day he decided I needed to understand my role as a woman.
The day he ***** me.

That was the day my world caved in,
The day the earth stopped spinning.
The sun stopped shining.
There were no stars in the night sky.
There was no green grass on the hill side.
Or flowers in the spring time.

My world ended and twisted and turned and contorted
its self into a new kind of world.
A sick world, filled with tears, hurt, and pain.
Filled with lies and covering things up to disguise
from people who "don't understand our love".
This new more complicated world was filled
with burying secrets and not getting daddy in trouble.
I hated that world.
But I resided in it anyways
because that was the address that I had.
I lived there for far too long.
But I no longer do.