I'm snared in my own trap,
Caught off guard by the heartbreak
That has caught up with me.
As if I didn't part the jaws
And step on the pan.

I am my own prey,
Wrapped in the sticky web I spun.
Baited by thrill, drawn out of boredom,
I burry my fangs in my own flesh.

I followed my more capricious self
Into a lonely room,
Hoping she would fan my flames.
But she's backed me into a corner
And brought me to my knees.

I've lured myself close
With the shine of my knife.
I captured my fascination
And held the blade to my own throat.
"Speak," I dare myself.

I held my own hand.
With tenderness and trickery,
Distraction and hope,
I walked myself to the edge of a dizzying cliff
And said "you know what to do."

Now I'm not done letting myself suffer yet.
I will watch myself thrash in torment
Just a little longer.
I will keep biting
Until I'm bored of the taste.

I will tower over myself
And witness my own cowering.
The cold edge will stay pressed to my pulse
Until I've made my point.

I will not let myself turn away from the drop,
I will not cut a path back down the mountain.
I will wait and watch
Until I outgrow my fear of heights.

I will keep crying
Until my eyes dry up.
I will keep grieving
Until the memories stop hurting.
I will keep loving him,
Until my heart lets go.

Then I will be ready
To do it all again.