When I apologized to you...

What I really meant was that I have spent every moment since that day wishing I could go back and undo the damage I did...

What I really meant was that I spend my days dissociating and chasing distractions just to forget how much I hurt you...

What I really meant was I sometimes wish I never existed so you wouldn't have been hurt by me...

What I really meant was that I isolate myself so I never hurt anyone like I did to you...

What I really meant was...

I still love you...