No, I didnt get to leave.  
Like I wanted to.
Like I was meant to.
I didn't get to go see what you saw
Or search for myself under a lone tree.
I stayed here.
To save it all while it all died around me.
People I loved.
Trees I planted.
My only comforts.
Burying them one at a time.  
Fickle doesn't fit here.
The only thing that works here is giving.
There's nothing for me to take
Only give.
And I do. I give it all.
And it is taken.
Usually that doesn't bother me
But today I'm ******.
Today I'm tired.
Having a conversation with myself.
And we dont get along anymore.
We are too different.
And have betrayed each other too many times.
I have learned living contrary to one's nature
Is ******* misery.
And worse as I chose it.
The great one who steps up to save the day
Has to do it forever
Or be branded as terrible.
When do I get to live, be me, run?
To leave would mean hurting the only ones
That I ever loved.
And all my dreams probably would never come true
Anyway.