She talks about scars
Like she wants to know about mine
The retelling of stories
Makes me think she wants one from me
And I don't know how to tell her
That I took a knife
And carved myself up
Like the turkey on thanksgiving
That I gashed my skin because I was craving control
That I was once so alone and hurt
That I took it upon myself
To drain myself of all my emotions
Turning one pain into another
Controlling how many
Controlling how hard
Controlling how long
I could've stopped if I wanted to
But I didn't want to
And so there's a whole parade of them
Up my leg
When she traces my bones
With her fingers and feels the roughness
She sees them with her eyes
While I shut mine tight
Like it will shut me out of the situation
I'm not sure what goes through her head
Does she question
Does she accept
Does she ignore
Her mouth never reveals her mind
Only leaking hints about her own
And I know all of her scars by now
The bike accident on her elbow
The scar on her palm that matches her moms
The pencil lead from her brother
The opened drawer on her shin when the lights went out
The ****** Knuckles games as a kid
All such simple explanations
Oh yea
These 30 marks here are from when the only girl in the world who paid attention to me told me her goodbyes
And was going to **** herself
And she threatened me not to tell anyone
I told someone anyway
This one here is when I felt such strong hatred for myself
That I couldn't even bare the thought of looking at my reflection without getting enraged
This section here is for every time I wanted to put my fist through a wall
These few are from when I wanted to jump off a ******* bridge
These ones are from when I felt the need to punish myself
For making stupid mistakes
These 3 here are placed as a decoy so people would never really know how bad it was
But I've come a long way since then
The past is the past and I'm going to let it stay there
Until the key of a question is revealed to unlock the box
And with that
I will not lie
Hoping that it won't change anything