I stroll into the bathroom
newspaper tucked under my arm.
The silent morning ambience
holds for me a special charm.

Whistling,I lift the toilet seat
to take my morning leak.
I'm stopped up short
when I hear someone speak.

"Morning bro,what's up?",
came the voice from below.
I stared in utter disbelief
at the toilet saying hello.

"Don't freak out",it said.
"Just do your thing,I'll do mine.
We can be the best of mates
till the end of ***** time."

"Oh well",I thought
and started where I left off.
Aiming into a talking ***..
Isn't easy..Hey!Don't you scoff!

"Wow!You've got a lot stored up"
quipped the rude toilet.
"No wonder they're saying there's
a drought in the nearby hamlet"

On-off,on-off came the flow
as the seat moved up and down.
Only later did I come to know
I own the most loquacious loo in town.

Irritated I told it to shut up.
"Bro,what will you p### into?",
it laughed,splashing water around.
No arguing that,it speaks true..

"Hey did you hear?
Old Loo-pin next drain
got married to Pottyara.
I hate her,she's too vain!"

"Work on your technique mate,
I've seen toddlers do better...
My,my!Seriously?!Still got more?!
I'm getting wetter and wetter!"

"Will you hold still!"I shouted.
"Hey don't take that tone with me.
Being watered in the maw ain't fun.
Swap places and then we'll see!"

"It'd be a lot more easier",I reasoned
"if you would stop yapping.
Who cares about super toilets?!
Now just start lapping!"

"Okay sheesh,someone's grumpy.
What?!show some pity on the loo!
Hey!Wait!Stop right there!!
Sh##,now I've to take poo too?!"

"Okay get this over with quickly.
You're choking me!!Aaaahhh!!!
Okay,never ever again take
chilly sauce with pizza!"

As I flush and leave,it cries
"Oh the horror!the horror!!!
All the perfumes of Arabia
cannot wash away this odour!"