Growing up

Living without anyone to lean on, to depend upon
without someone to trust
I grew strong yet I am so weak
I grew independent, detached from the world
Always on the verge of breaking, tumbling down
hitting the ground.

Don't get up,
listen
it's not worth it, not wort the pain
It's never getting better
never goes away
Happiness, heart, love
all lies,
Constructs of a world that's not meant for you,
not for me to thrive in.
There are no flowers blooming here.

I need to vent
when it gets to much in the back of my neck
the preassure presses me down
clawing, gnaling, biting into my flesh
Voices in my head, getting louder and louder
a chorus of mine, but no
they're so mean, this can't be me.

What is, who, when for what, and what, why, why?
Oh, to bad, time's up ,
You gotta function again
gotta head out, get to work, get it done then
Yes, Hi how are you? Yes, thank you. I'm fine.
All is fine in the world, have a nice one,
goodbye.

And the voices come back, they're always there
sometimes they're loud,
sometimes lost in the backround somewhere
They're out for what you owe them,
things you put aside for later,
well later is now, payday, Whatcha gonna do?
They're taking out bits and bits till nothing's left.

Hi Dad, it's me
I'm nothing, I'm left
I act, act out, act it out
I need control, so
I go over board, over it all over again.

Till I find my moment, my space
A breath of fresh air,
In and out, for a minute or two
Finally
some Peace

In and out
In all these minutes or two
days, months even becoming years
and still counting,
who is still counting, counting on you?
All of this in this cruel world
this ****** up beautiful mess

That you brought me into.